O, 'Tis a Marvel
by Douglas Neman
Summary: Lex debriefs Otis after his mission to Stryker's Island. Set immediately after the season 4 episode "Crime and Punishment."


"He wants to see you right away," Eve said as Otis got off the table.

"Well, that's great, 'cause I wanna see him." Otis wobbled a bit. "Are you sure you put me back together right?"

"Trust me. I couldn't possibly put you back together wrong."

Otis gave her a suspicious look, trying to determine if that was an insult. He gave up, strode out the door, and turned left.

Eve strode out the door, turned right, and said, "It's this way."

Without missing a beat, Otis spun on his heel and followed her.

Lex was in the base's command center watching 20 screens at once. To Otis's disgust, not a single one was showing a football game.

"Blowin' me up?" Otis asked. "Seriously? When did that become part of the deal?"

Lex didn't take his eyes off the screens. "You're speaking quite well for someone who claims to be in little bits."

"Okay, yeah, so you put me back together. That's not the point. A heads-up would have been nice."

"Our readings indicate that you actually got a huge rush out of it," Eve said.

"Well, yeah," Otis said. "I ain't had that much fun since I backed up the sewer system in my home town when I was sixteen. Hey, can we do it again?"

"Not before you tell me exactly what happened at the prison," Lex said, still watching the screens.

Otis scoffed. "I went, I saw, I kicked ass. So what else can I do that you haven't told me about?"

"You went, you saw, you got blown up," Lex said. "Supergirl and Lena both survived. You need to tell me precisely why or your next disassembly will be your last."

Otis plopped himself into an office chair and spun a couple of times. "Well, for one thing, your buddy the warden won't be botherin' anyone ever again."

"He never bothered me in the first place," Lex said. "He was a loose end, nothing more. Tell me about your fight with Supergirl. In detail."

"Ah, I don't remember all the details. It was kinda like punch, punch, run, barbells, kick, wall, sarcastic remark, punch. In that order, I think."

"Was she shielded against kryptonite as I predicted?" Lex asked.

"Sure was! I took care of that real quick."

"Define _real quick_," Eve said.

"Ten punches or less."

"Or _fewer_," Lex muttered. "Very good. Also as I predicted. Did anything unusual happen during your fight?"

"Nah."

"Your log says that during the fight you were non-violent for over a minute," Eve said.

"I got a log?"

"You have a log," Lex said. "And don't think about trying to disable it, you won't even be able to find it. Why was there a pause in your fight with Supergirl?"

"Oh, I stopped to chat with a reporter. She wanted to interview me."

Lex sloooooooowly turned his attention away from the screens and looked at Otis for the first time. "Explain."

"Well, I was chasin' Supergirl. She was runnin' 'cause I was kickin' her ass. And I come across this woman sittin' on the floor."

"Where?" Lex asked.

"At the prison."

Lex suppressed a shudder of rage. "Where _in the prison_?"

"Oh. In the mess hall."

"The mess hall in the men's block?" Lex asked.

"Yyyyyyyep."

"Was she alone?" Lex asked.

"Yyyyyyyep."

"Describe this woman," Lex said.

"Blonde-ish. Pretty. Maybe five-ten with heels. Slacks, brown blazer."

"And how did you react upon meeting this woman?" Lex asked.

"I asked her what she was doing there."

After a few seconds, Lex realized that Otis had finished answering.

"And...her...response?" Lex asked pointedly.

"Oh. Well, she said she was a reporter. She'd been interviewing some of the inmates. She told me where Supergirl had gone, so I caught up with her and we resumed fightin'."

Lex nodded a few times, trying to wrap his head around the marvel that was his henchman. "Was Supergirl running from you because she was weakened by the kryptonite?"

"You betcha!"

"Did this reporter give you her name?" Lex asked.

"Kara Danvers."

Lex nodded again. He didn't seem the least bit surprised. "Otis, describe Supergirl."

"Seriously? You know what she looks like."

"I do. I have my doubts about you, though. Proceed."

Otis shrugged. "Blonde-ish. Pretty. Maybe five-ten with heels. Hey, do we have any beer?"

Lex looked at the floor, rubbed his fingertips together, and made several funny faces. It took him a few seconds to find the words. "Supergirl was running from you, you said."

"Runnin' scared!"

"Because her powers were fading."

"Yep."

"And you chased her in the direction she had run."

"Yep."

"But you found Ms. Danvers instead."

"Yep."

"All alone in a men's high-security prison block."

"Yep."

"On the floor."

"Yep."

"And she told you where Supergirl had gone."

"Eh, pretty much."

"And she explained her presence in the cell block adequately enough for your purposes."

"Yep."

Lex nodded. Eve's eyes were closed in disbelief.

"Yes, Otis, I believe we have some beer, somewhere," Lex said. "Just for you. Try the kitchen. You are dismissed."

"All right!" Otis took off.

Silence.

Eve finally asked, "Would it do _any_ good to tell him?"

Lex ran his tongue around his mouth for a moment, then said, "I believe at this point he is only worth the entertainment value, for some day he may discover the truth, and if that moment comes, it will be priceless. In the meantime, find some way to boost his cognitive functions."

"With pleasure!"


End file.
